Raynaldo and the magical umbrella

Has it really been almost a year since I've written on/remebered I even had a blog? Yes, and the proof of that is not only in the dates of my posts. You see, after my dear friend Steve begged on his hands and knees for me to write something new, it took me almost ten tries to access this waste of time because I had forgotten what my username and password combination was. This little bit of confusion is not beacause I have so many other web-based sites I have to maintain, no my friends, it is beacause I have what is called a real social life. Please understand, my internet brothers and sisters, there are honest to goodness reasons why people read or don't read other peoples blogs/whatever. The biggest reason being Facebook, but after that, they like to have real conversations...like face to face...or butt to face...or if food goes in their butt, it comes out their mouths. See! I've started again with my lunacy writing on this confounded site! I'm trying to make a valid point here! Shut up! No, you shut up! I fart in your general direction! AAAARRRRGGGG! So, the moral of this rant is that I'd love to know how many people online have actually read the stuff I write on here, combined with the amount of time it takes me to write this crap for no reason other than to satisfy Steve, divided by who really gives a rats petute! I leave you with this last though: If we really like reading about peoples lives in a serious way, doesn't that make us stalkers...of the web? And if so, then none of what I've taken the last 15 minutes to write matters, because you'd all be in jail, you perverts.

Summer Breeeaaak...Ya!

Well, when are we gonna get rowdy? The correct answer is every day, all day...what with golfin', discin', money makin', band playin', BDs eatin', atom smashin', super-model datin', etc. Which means I'll have 0-0.1473% time to update my beloved blog. But don't cry, I just might use my friends computers from time to time to give the people what they want: Big DK's super-intelligent-funny insight into stuff only I (and a select few friends) know about! Cuz that makes everybody happy (especially the poop-throwing monkeys that live in my closet)!

Strongbad Email Denied!

The thing about the libary at Lewis University that really chaps my buttocks is the internet security that blocks any website with "games" in it. I put games in parenthesis because apparently the security thinks that Strongbad Emails are games. Sure, watching a Strongbad Email can be as fun as, say, playing a rousing game of Shoot the Moon, but that doesn't make them gamey. Another fun fact about the blocking of all things game-ish is that you (and by you I mean me) cannot enter a website about games in general, like Gamefaqs.com, which happens to be one of my most frequented websites for game info. I can't even go to (sniff) the High-Ho-Cheerio official website, what with the spinning of dials and the collecting of cherries and all...damn you libary, damn you to Dave and Busters! And yes, I know I spelled "library" incorrectly...its called comic effect, you butt chapping butt chappers!

A Couple O' Questions

Here are some questions only my friend Steve can answer (anyone else is free to try, just know that you will fail).
OK, thingy number one: If you shoot a bird's nest that drops a grenade, why wouldn't it just blow up? (I mean, come on, its made of frickin' straw n' stuff) Same goes for the crows...cuz their made out of...well, crow...
Two-ish: Why would the lunch lady throw away my obvoiusly not finished crust of peanut-butter and jelly sandwich while I'm away urinating?
And thirdenstein: Why did I title this blog 'A Couple O' Questions' when I've clearly asked more than two?
Steve, I await your response. Everyone else, stay away from my PB&J! Shut up, thats why!

I Have No Legs!

If you havn't seen the implosion of a movie known as "Kids," then you need a swift kick in the groin...or at least a football to said area. I watched it for the 'n'th time last night (for 'n', sub a number you think I've watched it, then divide that by the number of footballs to the groin you need) and noted a particular scene. On the subway, the two main characters, Casper and Telly, happen across a jolly fellow who happens to have lost the lower half of his body (I hear tell he was dipped in a vat of hungry kittens with tuna smeared all over his legs). I say he is jolly because he doesn't let this normally sad-faced scinerio get him down. In fact, he even writes a little ditty about it! Now, I thought to myself, this chap is setting an example for all to follow. When you have a horrible disability, don't feel down about it, sing a song to strangers on a subway train about it! Words to live by folks, words to live by...

Gobelty-Gook

Ah, my first blog, I remember it like t'was only yesterday...or right now. Iwrote something like:
This is where I'll talk about everything, which is essentially nothing, and only when I have the time, which is never. I'll also make clever comments that are only logical to my closest friends (who shall remained un-named for security reasons), and not check my spelling and grammar. Because when you're as smart as me (or my closest friends Adam, Steve, Paul, Dave, Scott, Marc, Andrew, Miles, Brian, and Amanda) you eat a lot of fudge. So, in closing, don't pee on an electric fence or you'll never want to do it again.
Ya, it went something like that, 'cept it had a whole lots more swear words...and pirates. Also, everyone who read it sent me death threats, but those fools have yet to do anything about it. And now on a totally different note, I have to open this ticking box sent to me with no return address (but it does have a bunch spelling corrections on it from my blog, hmm....)